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Well she finally decided it was time to replace the dishwasher. Partly because of the hole that was left after removing the old not broken one and partly because her brother suggested that she do so because of the Presidents Day sales. Things always go smoother when Jack suggests that this is the how and when.

So I got online and compared prices. I was simply looking for an inexpensive, energy efficient, machine that washes dishes. No more, no less.

I compiled a list considering price, delivery charges, and installation and then went over them with her. Best Buy and H H Gregg seemed to be the best place to shop but she doesn’t like Best Buy. She admitted to never having been to a Best Buy but she didn’t like them anyway.

So, she decided that Loews was the place to go because so and so bought this and that and were satisfied. She also said she didn’t want to go shopping so it was up to me.

As far as installation she said that Jack was coming down and would do it.

Day Two:

Off to Loews I go. I’m not much of a shopper so it was a pretty quick deal. I got a good price and free delivery and the total was $329.00 and it was being delivered the next day. ( By the way, doesn’t it fry your eggs when you buy an electric appliance and the cord is extra). So now, all is well.

No it isn’t.

Later that evening she called Jack to tell him about what time it would be delivered and then told me he was coming down early so he could re-cover the pipes that were recently fixed. I asked why so early and she said he had some stuff to do. I then asked, “Isn’t he going to set it up/”.

She had a snit fit and in a somewhat stern voice that he wasn’t going to set it up he was just going to patch the hole.

The snit was followed immediately by a pout.

Day Three:

As soon as I got up she told me that on the receipt it said the delivery guy would install it. I told her that I didn’t think so but she assured me that they would because a friend of hers bought a stove at Loews and they installed it at delivery time. I just let it pass.

The delivery guy came and oops, he doesn’t install. She argued politely but the bottom line is that the guy doesn’t install. Loews will install a free standing stove, refrigerator, washer or dryer. That’s it. For everything else you have to pay.

She then questioned the fact that she thought the washer was supposed to be white and this one was white and blue. The driver told her that it was just a protective covering.

So I push the dishwasher into the hole to keep it out of the way.

She said we should just call the plumber dude on Monday to arrange for installation. Then decided that she’d better call her brother because he might be mad if he didn’t have the opportunity to drive 80 miles and install it himself in spite of the fact that his health sucks.

He didn’t volunteer so now it was a Monday call for sure.

Day Four:
As soon as I got up and I do mean as soon as I got up she was all up in my grille because in fact the blue thing wasn’t actually a cover and in fact it was a blue and white dishwasher.

It wasn’t.

Day Five:

During her morning talk with her brother he suggested asking a mutual friend to come by and hook it up. He could do it and he could always use the money. Mom thought that was a good idea and she would get on that the first thing tomorrow morning. Her bro said that it would actually be ok to call and ask today.

She decided that she’d call after her shower. Then she would call after lunch. Then she would call after putting her clothes away.

So, at the end of day five she has found a friend of a friend who will be her new best friend and he’s coming over tomorrow morning.

Day Six:

Larry and his son Larry come over to install the dishwasher. As soon as they arrive, Mom is hiring them for their next job.

The dishwasher is installed. But it leaks. So Larry and Larry go to get another clamp.

The end of the story is that the dishwasher is installed for…….21 dollars more than the plumber would have charged but 10 dollars less than Loews/Sears/Gregg’s would have charged .

Silly ass that I am, I was going to send in the specs that would give us a warranty, but I was assured that if I did send in the warranty card that I would be inundated with grifters and hooligans that only wanted to steal our money and perhaps our very souls.

It’s sippin time

Before we talk about treatment I’ll give you the back story.

I first hurt my back when I was 18 years old doing something that I shouldn’t be doing. After a few minutes of lucid thought I’ve determined that most of the damage that I’ve done to my body has pretty well from doing something stupid.

Some treat their bodies as a temple and I’ve pretty well treated mine as rental property.

For example, I seriously injured my knee having sex on a pool table (sorry for the visual) and I fractured my ankle trying to step on a mouse. There are many more examples but you get the idea.

I started having more serious back issues in my mid fifties but still it was relatively simple to control the pain.

I also had bad knees and a circulatory problem in my left leg which only added to the back problems. I got a knee replacement and that did help for some time.

As the years passed it got more difficult to walk, drive or stand still. When doing gigs I had to be sure that there was a stool available.

In May of 2011 I twisted wrong while trimming the bushes at my mothers house. From that point on it’s been my own personal version of hell.

I once did a post on how difficult it is to describe to someone how bad the pain is. I mentioned the inability to sleep laying down. Sleeping wasn’t the problem though, it was the waking up part.

If you’ve ever experienced an abscessed tooth imagine that type of pain from hip to toe non-stop for 5 to 6 straight hours every single day. No amount of drugs would even dull it.

It interfered with every aspect of my life and though the drugs didn‘t relieve the pain they did certainly cloud my brain.

The final diagnosis was degenerative disc disease for which there basically is not a cure. Surgery won’t help. It’s going to get worse and the only treatment is trying to manage the pain. The doctors stop just short of your screwed live with it.

I’ve seen a multitude of doctors who have all tried to help a brother out but nothing seemed to work and I was getting real tired of taking tramadol, oxy, hydro or any other type of codone. I still maintain that drugs should be for recreational purposes only.

In mid December I decided to try acupuncture. After calling nearly every practitioner I decided to try Axis Natural Medicine in Fort Myers. I found that their website gave me the type of information that I needed and the woman I spoke with was very helpful.

At my first appointment with Dr. Ashley Lundy she explained how the process worked and what she would try and accomplish. You can look it up but the bottom line is that it’s supposed to help your body take care of itself.

She also told me that if there was no improvement within four treatments that it probably won’t happen.

After the first treatment on a Tuesday I felt some improvement. The second was that Friday and again there was some improvement. I was still sleeping sitting up though.

After the third treatment the following Tuesday, it was time to try and sleep laying down. After months and months of tying I wasn’t all the ready to put myself through it again but a deal is a deal.

It did hurt some the next morning but it went away in about an hour with one vicodan. Prior to this it would have been 3 to 5 vicodan and about 4 hours.

It improved even more after treatment number 4.

On my last visit to Cleveland my doctor suggested that I invest in an adjustable memory foam bed. It was more than I could afford but as I was told, you spend one third of your life in bed so bite the bullet.

I also invested in a pair of New Balance sneakers that are supposedly good for your back.

So, after treatment number 4, I wore the new shoes and slept in the new bed for the entire night and woke up with only minimal pain. (I should add that my pal Walter was doing some heavy praying on the matter also).

I had treatment number 5 and it’s now been a week without any treatment and I’m sleeping the entire night and waking up pain free with no medication at all. I am taking a Chinese herbal supplement .

There are still a couple of issues that need to be addressed but right now we are just seeing how long this will last.

The process itself wasn’t in the least painful. I only occasionally felt the needles go in and even that was rare.

As far as the bed goes, I’ve learned a lot about memory foam beds. A lot of people sleep on a firm mattress because they say it helps their back. That’s true in some cases but isn’t a law of nature. If your considering a memory foam mattress buy what is comfortable to you.

What it does is keep your spine straight and relieves the pressure. As long as your buying a decent product it should work be it extra firm to big sponge.

I’m sure tempur-pedic is the king but there are other brands that are nearly as good. A rough guess would be plan on spending at least a grand and you do get what you pay for.

If your reading this, you probably know how to get a hold of me and I’d be happy to get into greater details.
You can also leave a comment or contact me by looking to the right hand side under pages.

Ignore the comment link at the bottom of the page.

Thank you and enjoy your day at Sea World.

The plumber came and as luck would have it, it was the same guy who mom thought wasn’t interested. I love Karma.

In a little over an hour and one hundred and eighty two bucks later the problem was solved. So now a dishwasher needs to be purchased at some point during the decade.

As soon as that problem was fixed mom proclaimed that WE would be taking the tile out of my bathroom to see how the terrazzo floor underneath looked. WE were also going to remove the same in her bathroom with the final intent being replacing or removing the linoleum in both bathrooms, the dining room, entrance way and re-carpeting her bedroom and the “formal” dining room.

Thursday, she decided, was the perfect day to start this project. I had already explained to her that there was little chance that I was going to do that. My back has been better for two weeks and I’m not about to do anything that may cause an eruption.

She said she knew that and was going to do it herself.

Now, she gets winded riding the scooter and even at that the scooter won’t fit into my bathroom. She wanted me to move some stuff out of my bathroom so she could get started.

I also had to go to the bank and to the grocery store so I decided not to move anything until I returned because I did not want her to do something stupid while I was gone.

When I came home she was in a foul mood. I mean foul. She had herself a major pout going on.

After some time had passed I asked her what was wrong and I thought her head would explode. She yelled at me like I was ten years old and it was all that I could do to keep from laughing.

I’ll not get into the details but I didn’t argue back. Arguing in anger is something that I don’t play. I learned a number of years ago what a mean prick I can be so I’d rather not play. A good healthy disagreement is always wonderful but it’s pretty senseless to argue over chicken-shit stuff because it serves no purpose.

Your not going to change the person’s mind, nor they yours. Plus, you never know exactly what the person yelling at you is really pissed about. Yelling may be therapeutic but then again so is wine. I prefer the latter.

She didn’t speak civilly to me for the rest of that day (which was actually kind of nice.) and the first half of the next. The subject of tile has been abandon for the time being so her attention has turned to a bald spot in the back yard and according conspiracies of how it happened.

She is certain it was caused by the bug spraying dude. I think it was aliens.

Everybody has “projects”. I think that when you a senior citizen (wonder if anybody ever says senior illegal or senior immigrant) you have to have projects so that you have something to do. I get that. However, a project should be something that you do and not something that you have others do.

I mentioned in passing before about the dishwasher problem. Here’s the deal.

Mom didn’t like the dishwasher because I was a bit noisy. Water appeared from under the dishwasher so she assumed that it was leaking and that’s why it was noisy. I mentioned that it didn’t leak while we were using it nor did it leak with any sort of consistency that would indicate it was the dishwasher.

She called a plumber to come out and look at it. She called the company that she always called but the fellow she normally had wasn’t available. The guy they did send out never had a chance.

He looked it over and said that it could possibly be the dishwasher but he wasn’t sure. She said, OK. He didn’t charge anything and went off on his merry way.

So now the dishwasher has to come out but first a plate had to be removed so perhaps we could get a mop under there.

I’m not really very good at laying on my belly and doing stuff. It hurts my back and I’m fat. I’m also not a freakin plumber.

So I start to take the plate off with mom and her scooter watching my every move.

“That’s now how you do it” she said. “The door has to come off”.

I tried to explain to her that the plate was held on my four screws and she insisted that she watched the repairman remove the door to take the plate off.

He did no such thing.

I pause for a moment to tell you that I don’t like people hovering over me and I also don’t like someone telling me what to do when it’s quite clear that they’ve never done it themselves. In addition, I may not be the brightest bulb on the tree but I can pretty well take anything apart with ease.

I explained to her that the wiring ran through the door and that taking off the door is totally illogical and probably can’t be done without unhooking the wires.

She assured me that there were no wires in the door.

My tongue was getting sore from biting it so I decided to just to unscrew the door so she might shut up.

The bottom line was that the door doesn’t come off easily because there are wires attached. Now the dishwasher has to come out.

Her brother Jack came down and we got the dishwasher to the curb but wouldn’t ya know that there was still a leak.

She told Jack how bad the plumber was and how he didn’t seem to care and on and on. She made it seem like he came in, kicked the dog and whizzed on the floor. The truth is that she told him it was the dishwasher and that was that.

Mom was convinced that was just residual water and a fan would solve the problem.

It’s now a week later and there seems to be more water each and everyday. Now the solution is simple. Towels will be placed in the opening to absorb all the water. To make sure of this she parks the scooter in front of the opening to watch it for hours on end. She developed numerous theories based on her incredible knowledge of all things.

I suggested that she call a plumber. This was on Thursday. Her response was that it’s almost the weekend so we’d better wait until Monday.

There is now even more water coming out and it’s pretty obvious that something is wrong in the wall since we’d checked every other possibility.

So her brother had to make yet another 40 mile trip to tell her that’s it’s in the wall.

He was going to call the plumber for her but she said that it had better wait until Monday.

So of course she calls on Sunday. She was just plain rude to the people hinting that it was their fault that we threw out a perfectly good dishwasher. I called her on this and she said she was just blaming them to get a better deal. Under no circumstances can she ever admit she was wrong.

I mentioned that by lying it may indeed cost her even more because folks do like to get even.

We’ll see.

I’ve got dishes to do.

Mom doesn’t like candles. I know this because I found a large box full and asked what they were for.
She said they originally were in case of hurricane but she now has lanterns so they are not necessary and she doesn’t trust candles.

I lit a candle the other night and after about ten minutes she came in coughing and such and said she was allergic to candles. I thought, how odd, she wasn’t allergic the last time I lit one.

This reminded me of people who use “medical” reasons as an excuse for not liking something.

I’m a smoker. I like to smoke because to me it has a calming effect. I know it’s a “dirty” habit and I’ve read it may not be good for you. I get it.

I try to be as polite as I can with it. I don’t stand in front of doorways smoking, I never smoke in a non-smokers car unless they specifically say (without me asking) that it’s ok. When at someones house I don’t ask if it’s ok to smoke. If they do, I will.

With that here’s my point. Smoke is considered to be an irritant not an allergen. It’s true that smoke can cause your real allergies to flare up quicker but your not allergic to smoke. That means that most of the people who say they are, are full of bullshit. I’m allergic to bullshit.

Far more people are allergic to perfume and some of the perfume is as obnoxious as smoke.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying suck and up and get over it, what I’m saying is tell the truth.

If you have asthma or copd due tell the offending human chimney. If you hate the smell, be blunt and say so. If you don’t want your clothes to smell smoky, bring it up. Don’t sit there waving your hands in front of your face to whisk the smoke away..it doesn’t work and you look like a moron.

And smokers, use some common courtesy and sense.

………….

On my last post I also mentioned how when I’m not around something generally occurs to prove a point that mom is making.

This one is classic.

On the way back from the vets (which by the way took nearly two hours because mom will call on the day she decides to go instead of in advance. That means we get squeezed in and are there forever. And yes, she has to go). I mentioned that I had a taste for Chinese food.

Sometimes on the weekend we will order pizza or some sort of carry out. Mom must have assumed (incorrectly) that my intention was to order Chinese this weekend prompting her to come out with this gem.

She said that while she was at the radiology clinic getting a mammogram and ultrasound that she mentioned the fact that she wasn’t taking the antibiotics that she was supposed to be taking because it made her face red.

Well shave my head and call me Wilbur, wasn’t the doctors very first question “Do you eat a lot of Chinese food”. She further explained that the msg in the Chinese food messed with the antibiotic. She said that the doctor told her no Chinese until she’s done with the medications.

That’ll be forever since she’s not taking them anyway.

………..
I also mentioned about the problems we are having feeding the dog so while we were at the vets I asked the experts for their advice on how to handle the problem. What type of food is best, when is the best time to feed them, will feeding them after 5pm cause diarrhea, and a few more.

The vets answer did not jive with what mom says is correct so as soon as we were home she stated that the doctor we saw was new and didn’t know anything.

Okay then.

I’ve run across yet some more things that utterly amaze me. It seems that whenever I’m gone or if mom is at the beauty salon something marvelous occurs. It’s a constant in the universe.

Sammy has had a case of the runs for a couple of days straight. Mom immediately seized on the notion that it’s because she eats too late in the day. This theory has raised it’s head a few times already in relation to Sammy wanting to go out in the middle of the night. It’s basis is that she always fed her dogs in the mornings only.

It couldn’t possibly be the human food she eats, the constant supply of treats or the fact that Sammy will eat pretty well anything except dog food, including bugs, lizards and an occasional bird.

While I was out picking up the Sunday paper, the church lady stopped by to give mom communion and wouldn’t you know that her dog has some dietary distress and it was magically cured by feeding it in the morning only.

The doctor gave mom some antibiotic’s to help clear up an infection. They are rather large pills which she is supposed to take 4 times per day with “a lot of water”.

The first problem is that according to mom “water makes me nauseous”. She then thought that the pills made her face redden so she stopped taking them.

I took her to get her hair done and when she returned she had a lengthy story of how a man there said his medications made him sluggish so he quit all of them and is now in the best shape of his life.

The dishwasher broke a couple of weeks ago. In this house there is a pecking order of what and when something will be done. If you need to trade an organ for a piano that must take place right away. If your going to have film put up to make my living room cooler in the summer, that can wait at least a year (and has). If it makes her “nervous” it happens now, if it doesn’t have an impact on her it can wait forever.

You may think, well, just do it yourself but the reality is that this is not my house so that’s not an option.

Back to the dishwasher. She does plan on replacing it sometime but she mentioned in passing at her last doctors visit and he concurred that hand washed dishes come out better. Then, to prove her point again, it was apparently stated on the news while I was out that dishwashers really don’t get the dishes that clean. Sometimes the dishwasher leaves spots on the glasses. Spots make her nervous.

Wrapping up the dishwasher saga, she offered some of the racks to her neighbor whose racks had some rust on them. The neighbor declined saying that she wasn’t going to use her dishwasher anymore because the dishes are so much cleaner.

Finally, the play by play of what the neighbors cat and Sammy do and think all day long makes me wish I had a hearing aid.

So I could turn it off.

It’s wine time.

Generally speaking, I don’t look back at the years and say this was good or this was bad. I can say unequivocally that for me 2011 sucked. The best news was my daughter Sarah’s pregnancy and son Bill’s getting a job he wanted. Other than that, glad that year is over.

We started the year with a bang. Actually we started with a bunch of bangs from the neighborhood morons. Florida is another state where you can buy fireworks but it’s still illegal to use them. This isn’t enforced at all from what I could tell. Tents pop up in vacant lots all over the area selling these noisemakers and finger removers.

Mom again amazed me with her mystical powers. By only the sound, she was able to tell from which house the fireworks came, even if they were miles away. Amazing.

A friend sent me some Mellow Mut (a jerky treat for dogs that also calms them down in times of fireworks or thunder). However, mom doesn’t believe in that stuff because she has a friend who blah, blah, blah.
I should have just given it to Sammy so that she wouldn’t shake herself thin, but I didn’t. You can bet that I will the next time.

Mom saw one of those advertisements that come with the Sunday paper for the greatest indoor/outdoor slippers ever to grace this planet for only $9.99. She of course had to have them.

While I was placing the order I asked her what size and gave her the digits, like 7 ½ to 8 ½. She said to me, that those sizes weren’t on the order form that she saw. I assured her it was and gave her the proof. She then said “Well, that isn’t the ad I saw”. Yes, I did get the ad from her.

She’s also added to new phrases to her vocabulary. The first is “that’s not fair.” That’s not fair applies to anything that doesn’t apply to or please her. If the evening’s television isn’t what she wants..”that’s not fair”. If you can only get something by ordering it online, “that’s not fair”. If it rains when she doesn’t want it to, “that’s not fair”.

The second is “that’s okay” and is said in a childlike voice. It usually follows a lengthy list of negative things such as, “My back hurts, the sun is too bright, I don’t want to go” but “that’s okay’.

……… Free the Boobies

I was closely following the “milk-in” or whatever the protest against Target was called. It was in protest of a woman receiving “dirty looks” from Target’ employees while breast feeding her baby. The part of the story that is glossed over is the fact that she chose to sit on the floor in the women’s wear department to do said feeding.

Sit on the floor in the women’s department to feed the baby.

They did offer her a dressing room but she declined and hence a news worthy drama was born.

I have pretty well had it with these publicity seeking self important sacks of skin.

The parents who railed against the TSA because their precious heir had to be patted down. The kid probably wouldn’t have been “traumatized” if they did their parenting thing correctly and forewarned the little dear.

The people who sue for millions of dollars, not because of the money, but “to keep others from suffering the way I did”. Bullshit.

Sorry, got off track a minute because I wanted to make a point about freeing the boobies.

I’ve long been a fan of the female breast. Such a nice addition to the anatomy. Functional yet appealing to the eyes. Marvelous.

I don’t think they need always be hidden from view. In fact, I think that in places that allow males to be shirtless that our breasted sisters should also be able to free the twins.

But I do think there should be some limitations.

I think perhaps an independent committee (of which I would volunteer to head) should set guidelines as to which fun bags were ok for public viewing and which were not. A small fee would get you a tittie exposure license.

Some would have licenses to show them at the beach or at a concert. Others would be only after 6pm in a bar or at a sporting event. Then there would be the occasionally walking by a window in your own house license.

I’m not sexist by any means so this committee would also handle the growing moob problem. Someone, such as myself, who has developed a decent sized rack would be required to always keep them covered and be forbidden from jogging (which would probably not really be an issue).

I would also like to see federal regulations restricting some from wearing bike shorts, spandex and tube tops in public areas.

What a wonderful world it would be.

The trip home to the land of Cleve was fun but too short. What made it even shorter was that this back/pain issue really limited me. The Christmas Ale was cold and plentiful so that was wonderful.

I got to see some folks but not as many as I would have liked. All and all a good time.

I got to spend some time with the kids. Daughter Sarah is going to make me a grandfather come this April. She looked great. Daniel was working hard on his math problems and Bill got a job that he really wanted.

I saw my old friend Nick Fanoose who now re-owns his bar on 150th and Brookpark. When I come back in May we are going to make some music there. We being Bam Bam Behrend, Clint Sobie and as many as our former band mates as we can muster. My old singing partner Maria Gregg has already said she’d be coming up.

Miracle of miracles’ my mother didn’t rearrange the cupboards while I was gone. I have to give her credit for only moving my stuff from the breakfast bar to a large pile in my living room. At least it was all in a pile.

She did a nice job of cleaning out the fridge also. She made lots of room by throwing out the things that she doesn’t use. I asked her what became of the chipotle mayo and she feigned ignorance and said it was there the last time she used it. Let me be clear, she’s never used it.

Sammy is back to begging at the table but mom swears she wasn’t feeding her from the table in my absence. She did say that she was only feeding her once a day, in the morning, cause that’s how she fed her other dogs.

The folks that live behind us have apparently adopted a cat. There is a fence between Sammy and the cat and sometimes it’s amusing to watch. The not so amusing part is that any time Sammy barks, whines or farts..according to mom, Sammy’s talking to the cat.

The amount of medication that mom is taking has increased. Well, not the taking part. She goes to the doctor, gets the script, then finds reason not to use it. Too bad they are not drugs that I could use. She’s having a multitude of problems but won’t do anything about them. I’ve quit busting her balls about it.

We stayed here for Christmas. She didn’t want to go to her brothers because one of my cousins that “talk too much” was going to be there. Wow.

I was amused when mom complained about the local news people (reporters) said u “um” a few times. This from a woman who puts “ya Know” and “anyhow” in nearly every sentence.

I made a ham with the fixing’s. Mama like her some ham. Every once in a while I’ll ask her how she wants something made just to kind of include her since she says she misses cooking.

Without fail, when it comes to making a meat product in the oven she’ll have to bring up how she liked to cook things in brown paper bags like that was some sort of Native American trick she learned when we lived on the Tuscarora Indian Reservation.

The results of meeting with my Cleveland doctor was pretty much a positive view of the treatment I’m getting down here though he seems to think that I need much larger doses of the same meds.

I’m getting acupuncture treatments and will let you know how that goes.

Hey, whadda ya say, lets have ourselves a great new year.

I meant to post this before my most recent trip to Cleveland but I forgot. Some folks asked me why it was so long between posts. I think my brain was a bit cloudy from the pain killers. I will attempt to be more diligent.

…………..

Just when I thought that I’d learn to ignore the majority of the odd things my mother does, she comes up with new and different ways to confound me.

We went to Jack and Dawns for Thanksgiving. Great meal, great company and it took mom nearly 24 hours before she brought up the fact that the pumpkin pie (store bought) wasn’t as good as it used to be. I enjoyed the respite.

She drinks 7-up and Coca Cola. The originals, with sugar. I was stocking up and bought coke in the new white cans and wouldn’t you know that according to her it tasted different and wasn’t as good as it used to be.

I’m coming to Cleveland for a week and have been preparing dishes that she can just warm up. I also bought some easy to prepare things like Pasta Roni, soup etc. As I was telling her what’s where and such she went into a discussion about how she never used boxed foods or mixes and was informing me of how good a cook she was.

I nearly bit my tongue in half.

She is 81 and hasn’t had virtually any experience cooking. My father did most of the cooking and her second husband did all the cooking. She did make a good oatmeal cookie but it was evened out by her insistence that green beans must be cooked in bacon grease.

Then there is the Sammy training. She is still trying to teach her how to talk and is stepping up other training methods.

For one, when she lets Sammy out she now closes the outer door. Sam is learning to bark to come in but that’s not enough for the Queen. Sammy barks, mom asks if she wants to come in but doesn’t let her in. This goes on for fifteen minutes or so until either I just let the dog in or she decides to.

The other night Sammy didn’t follow her into the bedroom to go “night night” quickly enough so mom put the gate up and told her she couldn’t come in. Once again, I had to let her in just so the bloody conversation would stop.

She’s also assumed that if she tells Sammy to hurry…hurry, hurry that Sammy will. She don’t.

Just about every morning she tells Sammy her plans for the day which are more often than not contains things she physically can’t do. Basically, instead of asking me, filters it through the dog.

……..

As I mentioned , I’m coming into town for a week. Last time I returned to find that everything in the kitchen had been moved so this time I’m going to move everything before I go hoping that it’ll be back in it’s proper place when I return.

………

On a more serious note, these last 7 months have been pure hell for me. This sciatic pain is the worst pain I’ve ever experienced and it’s daily for about 5 hours. I’ve not slept for more than three hours in a bed/laying down for 7 months. My duties as a caregiver do not change due to pain.

I was popping vicodin like they were skittles and they were about as effective as skittles would be. I thought I may have to change my nickname to House.

The last time I was in Cleveland I spent almost the entire time in Dr.’s offices and hospitals to the tune of about 1500 bucks out of my pocket.

I’m seeing a doctor down here and I like him and he’s trying to help me out. The problem is that since I’m uninsured I’m going to a county sponsored facility. They are great people and it’s well run and affordable but they are so swamped that getting in to see them other than your well ahead made appointments is nearly impossible.

How this affects me is that he’s trying different regimens of pain relief in six week increments. If they don’t work, I’m pretty well screwed for the time in between.

I’ve researched medical coverage and I can in no way afford it and even if I could, I’d be paying for months before I could be treated for my “pre-existing condition”. One of the cheaper policies was 450 per month and was a 5,000 dollar deductible.

I can’t imagine how hard it would be if I were married and had children and they couldn’t get proper care because we couldn’t afford insurance.

The reason I’m telling you this is to give a scenario from someone you know. When your deciding whom to vote for think that the Presidents plan to make insurance more affordable is wrong perhaps this will give you a different perspective on it, in that someday you could be in a similar situation.

01 This Is The Moment
This is a somewhat obscure tune from the Moody Blues, do yourself a favor and listen.

It’s usually difficult to define “The Moment”. It could be anything like “The Moment” you fell in love or “The Moment” you knew it was over or “The Moment” when you made a life changing decision or “The Moment” when the rest stop was finally in sight.

In this case “The Moment” when I wanted to take a two week vacation in my garage with the car running is crystal clear.

If you’ve been following along on this blog I’ve often talked about my mother’s efforts to drive me mad. I think she’s finally succeeded.

It wasn’t a couple of months back when she escalated her use of baby talk. Nothing like an 81 year old saying me hungry or me want that to make your cake rise but that wasn’t it.

It wasn’t the constant repeating of stories starring people who are total strangers to me. I’m as immune to that as the Browns are to scoring touchdowns.

It wasn’t her talking to the dog and referring to herself as mommy. Mommies going to trim your nails or mommy is going to cut the hair from in front of your eyes isn’t what fried my potatoes.

Even the fact that a single sentence may contain 5 mommies, 2 anyhow and 11 you knows didn’t frost my pumpkins.

It isn’t the battle of wills that go on between her and Sammy that end up with me fixing the problem. I took to that like a politician takes to lying.

It wasn’t the fact that she expects the world to stop when she requires something that paddled my boat.

I’ve learned to be able to tune her out when she’s talking to the television and complaining about any commercial that isn’t for a product that She uses. If She doesn’t use it…nobody cares.

It’s not the fact that every time I walk by her she quizzically says, “yeah”.

It’s not the hundred or more times per day that I hear “gotta go pee pee” “why don’t you go night night” or “get up on your blankey“. (I assume she’s talking to the dog).

I came close to losing it when she asks me dumb questions like is your back bothering you or relates an anecdote about one of her friends who have back problems or how she conquered her back problems while there are literally tears rolling down my face from back pain(more on that in my next blog). Close but that didn’t trip the trigger.

It wasn’t even when she started mimicking the dogs whines and other odd sounds. That nearly shivered my timbers but not quite.

None of that.

This was it.

She’s teaching Sammy how to talk. I shit you not.

Not talk like barking to go out or to come in.

Talking, like using words. Like, excuse me mommy I have to drop a deuce so would you be kind enough to open the door.

Yep, the dog whisperer can do that. IN FACT, she taught her other dogs to say out, hungry and Sugar her previous dog could recite portions of the Lord’s Prayer while sitting at attention when the church lady gives her communion.

So now when Sammy goes to the lanai door and barks to go out or jumps on the door Mother dear starts saying Out, out, out, out ,out ,out ,out ,out for what seems like hours.

That was “the Moment”.

Now where’s my car keys.